Crawling out of my hole

Never mind where I’ve been and what I’ve been up to.  Bottom line is I’ve knocked out a ton of work this week, I’m wiped out from knocking out, and it’s felt great to rein myself in and focus.  Now, jumping right back in…

Tonight the N-Man created his first major disaster.  I should have seen this coming.  For weeks I’ve seen his wandering eye and failed to act.  Bad Mommy!   As I was cleaning up from dinner, drawn to the large, decorative, Tibetan bell gracing a light weight console table in the dining room, he finally gave into that delicious, toddler temptation.   I don’t know how he did it.  I just heard the crash followed by the scream.  

Everything on the floor.  The table, the drawer, the contents of the drawer, the bell, a fountain that may or may not work anymore, my favorite serving bowl in countless peices, with the N-Man sitting wide eyed in the middle of it all, trying to remember to breathe between shrieks.   My heart jumped out of my chest and stopped. Huge tears streamed from his eyes as he told me over and over, Didn’t mean to.  Fall down. Oh no!    After a thorough looking over and determination that the new bruise on his foot was not connected to anything broken,  he sat whimpering in time out long enough for me to clean up the disaster and mourn my beloved dish which is, regretfully,  no longer available.

 

Cleaned up and shards of ceramics dust-bustered away, he cautiously got up from this watchful perch and with a quivering, pouty, lower lip told me sincerely, I sowwy, Mommy.  I sowwy.  I cried and hugged him, kissed him on his nose and, of course, on his bruised foot to make it all better.  Better the bowl  be shattered than the other, far more priceless, irreplaceable piece. 

Now about securing that table to the wall…

Bits and peices

I’m a bit disjointed this evening.  The N-Man is allegedly sleeping  ( I can hear him talking to his animals) so I’m going to try and knock out a few thoughts before I go back to my grounding.   For the most part project internetus-interuptus is going well.  But I brought the computer home yesterday because my mom was having surgery.  I knew I would want it while I was hanging out at the hospital waiting and then to keep in touch with family once she was out.   I used it wisely for those purposes and then  proceeded to stay up until midnight again, doing nothing but just surfing the net.  Uselss waste of time.  Sigh.  I have absolutely no will power.  It’s home with me again for the weekend since the N-Man will be gone to visit X from tomorrow until Monday to accommodate my mom’s needs and a one day horse show, but I’m determined to make myself stick to a reasonable schedule.

For those who don’t know, my mom has leukemia and idopathic thrombocytopenic purpura.  Say that three times fast! She was diagnosed almost one year ago exactly.  In the moment I very quickly shut down and got depressed, thinking that I was about to lose her.  However, the last twelve months have taught me that cancer is not something that just suddenly takes you out, it’s something you live with.   And that is what she has been doing.    Yesterday she had her spleen removed.  Apparently it was the size of a football.  And apparently that’s quite a spleen.  Frankly, I’m not really sure.  Until three months ago, I didn’t even know what a spleen was for.  Anyway, she did well but was in pain today, not her typical stubborn self, which is always difficult to see.  I sadly must admit that I am not handling my parents aging with much grace and patience.   I questioned whether I should take the N-Man to see her at the hospital but he was a trooper and enjoyed perching carefully on the foot of her bed and telling her about his day.

I have ridden the hoofed one exactly one time this week.  And he was noticably not feeling well that day so all we did was walk for twenty minutes.   I question my sanity in insiting that we take him showing on Sunday, given how much I have on my plate right now.  Then again, sometimes not preparing is the best way prepare, since I don’t have time to over analyze my competitive nerves.

That said, time to get into the kitchen and start cooking because, as if I don’t have enough going on, I”m hositing a homemade gourmet party tomorrow too and have a ton of food to start preping.  

Nighty night!

Grounded

I made an executive decision.  And since I am the boss of me, I have to do what the boss says.  And the boss says I spend waaaaaaaay too much time playing on the computer lately. Work stuff.  Gotta have it.  Blogging.  DUH!  What else is there in life?    Facebook, message boards, and all the other distractions.  I need to cut back.   So I have officially grounded myself from the the computer during non-work hours.   Last night I left the lap top at the office and went home, uncomfortably, empty handed.  However that quickly translated into a long walk in the park with the N-Man, playtime outside with some new neighborhood kids I never knew existed,  and face to face dinner instead of checking just one more e-mail.  Loved it. I want more.

So bear with me for the next week.  When I have time to blog from the office during work hours,and during the time the N-Man is with X,  you can bet you’ll still see me here. But if I don’t get it up and posted before I leave for the night, everyone is just going to have to wait with bated breath, until the next day.  My goal is to get through a week this way.  Then my boss has agreed to negotiate a new plan with me.

He knows

It’s been two painful hours since I put the N-Man to bed.  He is inconsolable.  He’s exhausted.  He just cries and cries and cries for what, he doesn’t know.  Or does he?

I finally gave in and went to lay on his bed with him, rub his back,  try to soothe him to sleep.  Gradually the sobbing slowed, his breathing regulated, the tears ceased.  As I lay with him, softly singing ,I heard him whisper.  First and then again. Mommy & Daddy & [N-Man].  Blindsided, unsure how to respond, I ignored him.   He said it again.   Mommy & Daddy & [N-Man].   He rolled over and looked me in the eye and with a clearly questioning tone, out it came again.  Mommy & Daddy & [N-Man].   My heart shattered beyond repair as I told him, No, baby.  Mommy & [N-Man]  and Daddy & [N-Man].  He wouldn’t accept it.   Mommy & Daddy & [N-Man].   I tried to correct him again.  He blinked his big brown eyes and rolled over.  Mommy & Daddy & [N-Man].   He started to cry again.

He knows. He  already knows.  A year and a half ago I uprooted his world, forever changed the course of his life.  And already he has figured out that his family is not normal.  I knew the day would come, but never imagined it would be so soon.  Now I can’t stop crying either.

Celebrity in our midst

I buckled the N-Man in his booster, prepared his plate of homemade meatloaf, potatoes, and beans and handed him a cup of milk.  He grabbed the sippy cup and chugged for all he was worth.  I dished some up for my, poured more milk, and sat down to join him.  Exhausted after a long day of work, never has a cold glass of moo, looked so inviting.  I took a big gulp and wretched.  Unable to even swallow the swill, I raced to the sink and spit it out.  Then I ripped the N-Man’s cup from his mouth, reducing him to stupefied tears.  Sorry, Buddy.     Dumbfounded I went to the refrigerator and opened the door and, now paying attention to my surroundings, immediately realized it was warm.  Fantastic.  I had a few hundred extra dollars this month that needed to be spent somewhere, so thank goodness for last minute appliance repairs.

I made a quick call and within 15 minutes the door bell rang.  The N-Man ran gleefully to the door, jumping in anticpation and wonder as to who might  be on the other side.  I opened the door.  His eyes widened.  His jaw dropped.  He pointed with all his might and began to scream with over Disney channel exposed delight.  Handy Manny!  Handy Manny!  Handy Manny!  No, Dear.  That’s just Juan, here to save the day, or at least the produce.

Undeterred by my insistence that Manny was really just the appliance guy,  the N-Man kept a very close watch while Juan  provided employee of the month worthy service, patiently indulging my excited, curious, misguidedly star struck  sprite.  $250, one spoiled gallon of milk, and two mournfully melted buckets of ice cream later, the N-Man had officially completed his apprenticeship and  walked Manny to the door and knucle bumped him goodbye.     If I ever worry about a male role model in the future, I’ll just call for a dishwasher servicing.

Hmmmm….. let me take a look.

Ah yes!  I know what the problem is.

See.   This part right here is shot.

Let me grab my tools.

Ok, now pay attention while I talk you through this.

and 18 hours later

… the patio looked like this.

I am blessed enough to live in the one section of the metro area where the storm proceeded in snow form all day, while everywhere else just got rain.  Lucky me.  Thank goodness for the barely at and just above  freezing temperatures or this wet, heavy snow wouldn’t have compacted into a mere 18 inches and instead, would have come in at a light and fluffy three to four feet.   X somehow managed to get his low to the ground, hatchback up the residential street, at least near to my house, if not actually into the driveway, and delivered the N-Man safely home.  Delighted by the wonderland of spring round three, he insisted on going out to play.

Oops!  Maybe that wasn’t the best idea.  Mommy (yes, I’m now Mommy again) to the rescue.

Now, Mother Nature, you’ve more than made up for the dry, warm winter in one, spring month’s time.  I emplore you, please, can we just get on with the business of blooming flowers, lazy days in the sun, and lemonade now?

On the bandwagon

I’m here. I have plenty I want to say.  A lot really.   But I’m currently struggling with my own to blog or not to blog, spirit censoring dilemma.  Not nearly as dramatic a reason as my all too many, questioning predecessors, but the brain-finger filter is temporarily on, none the less.     I’m presently balancing that devil with the delightful, smiling muse on my other shoulder as their cross chatter turns my thoughts into static-y, mental mush.

In the mean time.  I desperately miss this…

He’s currently stranded at X’s house because of this …

I suppose I should be grateful that I’m not the one stuck inside with a two year old for the next 24 hours while Denver is burried in up to a predicted two to three feet of snow.   X had the N-Man “call me” after his nap today and he sang me an unrecognizable song and then yelled   I love you, Mommy,and burst into uncontrolable giggles.  Mostly that man makes me crazy, but he does occaisionally hit the ball out of the park.

Are you smarter than a preschooler?

Me personally, no.  Apparently I’m not.  The N-Man has been in preschool for three weeks now and he’s already surpassed my intellectual capabilities.   He cried all evening because I wouldn’t sing the icky sticky bubblegum song with him.  The WHAT song?   I finally had to invoke the power of mom friends and youtube to get with the program and am now studying up, cramming  like nothing since my law school days, in hopes I don’t disappoint him again.

Oh and by the way, as of yesterday afternoon, I am no loner Mommy.Suddenly, with absolutely no warning, he has turned ten years old and I am officially Mom.